Monday, August 23, 2010

Editorial: What we don't need or want

  I've been reading a lot on the internet lately. I've got a lot of time on my hands what can I say? Anyway, I've seen that there is a rumored Scream sequel on the way. They've even started casting it. I am less than thrilled to hear this. I also saw a trailer for a new M. Night Shammamamakanhdhfuebdbdfdejd movie. Again, not thrilled. I always see news about the latest great 80's horror movie being remade into a piece of shit. Again, not thrilled. Let's not even begin talking about the next Saw sequel. What is this, number 12? My question to filmmakers and the community at large is...Why? Why the fuck do we need this crap? The answer is, obviously, that we don't. There was a spoof of the slasher movie made in 1982 called Student Bodies. The advertising campaign, designed to be funny, started with the sentence, "Last year 26 horror films were released...None of them lost money". That, dear readers (all three of you), is what it's all about. Studios don't want to take a chance at anything unless they know it's going to make them a shit ton of money. That's why half of the decent horror movies since 2000 have come out on dvd and never in a theater. Back in the same 1980's, there was a place for the horror movies the big studios didn't release. That place was the Grindhouse or the Drive- In's across the country. Now if the studios don't release it, we may get it on an unrated DVD. That's another problem. The MPAA is so fucked up that any director or producer of a horror film has to fight tooth and nail just to get an "R". That's nothing new of course. I don't want to sound all high and mighty and righteous but I know that The Expendables didn't have to fight nearly as hard for their "R" rating, and trust me that shit was gory. Just like in the 80's when half of every slasher or creature movie was cut to shreds but Die Hard 2 went in no problem. It's all about money. If you don't think the MPAA isn't a bribe machine you're dreaming. I'm positive that Antichrist and Human Centipede didn't even bother trying to get rated by the board.
       Ah it seems I have gotten off topic. Well, not really. The point here is that new ideas in horror films are being shot down and destroyed by the almighty dollar. All we get these days are recycled ideas from old movies, remakes of old movies, or PG-13 watered down Crystal Light movies with no balls. The studios are for lack of a better word, scared. The argument put to me would be, "Well the economy is bad. And people can just download movies now. What do you expect?". That's a bullshit argument. This whole cycle of crap began way before the economy was so shitty. And let us not forget the 70's and 80's when the economy was also a giant shithole. Filmmakers somehow found ways to deliver the goods then didn't they? No. The problem isn't the economy, the problem is lack of creativity We line up every year (well I don't) to see the 89th Saw movie. The kiddies go to see every PG-13 piece of shit because they can. Older people looking for nostalgia line up to see the newest shit remake. I am just as guilty in that department. If we didn't go, the studios wouldn't make them anymore. M. Night Shabalamamamama would be out of a job, and Wes Craven would be poor as shit (he should be thrown off of a bridge for his crimes against horror but whatever).
        There is light at the end of the tunnel however. A few people out there seem committed to making good stuff despite this shitty climate. Guillermo Del Toro is making like 128 movies this year and I guarantee they will all be good. We need more guys like him out there. We also need the big names to step up and make something awesome. Okay I'm done. I'm going to watch something disgusting now.

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