Monday, October 11, 2010
Stupid Movie Review: Don't Go in the House
Starring?: No one you know or care about. Apparently the main character was on The Sopranos but so was everybody in New Jersey.
Plot: This one is pretty intense. The movie opens in an industrial incinerator factory where our main character works. Here we see a co-worker be a dumbass and accidentally light himself on fire, prompting our main character to flash back to his mom burning his arms over the stove. That's how this thing STARTS. We soon learn that mommy dearest is a pretty sick lady, literally as well as figuratively. When the guy gets home, mommy isn't waking up. Since she was kind of a bitch, he's sort of happy about this...but then he starts hearing voices in his head. He then feels compelled to kill pretty girls. So now I know what you're saying. "This another slasher serial killer movie. I've seen this shit like three billion times". No. Shut up. The guy finds his first victim, lures her somehow (trust me it wasn't charm) to his house, and then knocks her out. Next time we see her she's hanging by her hands in a fireproof room our main character built in the house. He walks in wearing a firesafe suit and carrying a flame thrower. I'm not going to ruin the rest because you can probably imagine what transpires. However, it is done so well that it is more gut wrenching than any Jason Voorhees death scene ever. The rest of the movie follows our killer as he stalks and lures other girls to the same fate, and then has a total and complete mental and nervous breakdown. Obviously more goes on but I want you to actually seek this movie out and watch the damn thing.
Gore: None really. But we have one serious burning scene that's just as good.
Silly moment that dates the movie: Definitely when our killer gets ready for, and then attends, a disco. It's bad. The music is worse. At least he lights some slut's aquanet hair on fire with a candle.
Why: do a lot of late 70's serial killer movies have an overdose of Oedipal rage and other creepy mommy issues?
Thank god or whomever you believe in: they aren't remaking this...yet.
Why: did I just see this three days ago?
In conclusion: This is a solid movie from the late 70's. You know, when directors weren't afraid to disturb the shit out of you. Watch this together with "Maniac" and you got a fucked up movie double feature. These movies are specifically designed to make girls hate you, so dudes don't think you're getting any if you watch this with your significant other. It is a creepy, atmospheric, and brutal movie that I think doesn't get the props it deserves. In fact, outside of horror movie people I don't think anyone has even heard of it. It's a fucking shame because this actually a really decent experience. Fuck I liked it. Highly recommended.
This is why.
Posted by Rag at 7:01 PM