Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Stupid Movie Review: The Toolbox Murders

Director: Dennis Donnelly

Stars: Again, no one you know or recognize.

Plot: The movie opens with a horrible car accident. The camera pans around the crash, and we see that a young girl is hanging out of the mangled car, very very dead. We then fast forward to some time later (I forget how long) and we find ourselves in the apartment of some drunk floozy. This isn't usually a place you'd want to be anyway trust me. The doorbell rings or someone knocks I don't remember, and in walks some guy carrying a toolbox. The aforementioned harlot seems to recognize the guy and sort of acts bitchy towards him. A minute or so later, the guy is putting an electric drill through her arm. And then other places. Someone in a nearby apartment hears this, but stays in her room. Then she goes to change or shower and makes the cardinal mistake of walking outside of her apartment. Bickety bam more death courtesy of Sears tool department. This was just in the first five minutes I should add. A few more killings occur (one right after a pretty girl was having "girl time" in the bathtub), and then for some reason, the killer smacks a young girl and kidnaps her when all she wanted was to study American History and drink a Diet Pepsi. The movie then takes a weird sort of "Murder, She Wrote" kind of turn where we are now guessing who the killer is, and where and why he took the girl. Looking for her are a couple of semi-retarded cops and the girl's brother who wouldn't look out of place in a Bill and Ted movie. The brother searches everywhere, and meets up with the nephew of the guy who owns the apartment complex where the murders and kidnapping took place. Then the director fucks up and tells us who the killer is, and why he's doing it. Weirdness and creepy inappropriate behavior ensues, all having to do with the killer's motives which as you have probably guessed, have something to do with the car issue mentioned earlier.

Gore: We have hammer crushing a head, nail gun death, screwdriver stabbing, death by drill, human torchings, and scissor death. This sounds like a lot, but it all happens at the two ends of the movie. Not much goes on in the middle.

Nudity: Yes. Did I not mention the "girl time" incident?

Why: did the director decide to tell us who the killer is less than halfway through the movie? I mean I guess for his plot it worked, but we didn't need extended creepy adult on teenage girl behavior (it's not what you think. Stop watching Dateline). More death would've been better.

Creepy: The motive of the killer. Not gonna get into it but shit it was fucking out there.

Excellent plot twist(Spoiler city): The twist ending with the guy who had even worse motives than the killer. What he does is even creepier than just pretending the kidnapped girl was a dead loved one. Like I needed a shower after watching this.

There should have been: less talk more death.

Lesson I learned from watching this movie: Never ever tell anyone but the cops when you realize who kidnapped your sister and killed all of those sluts. Unless you want to end up on fire.

In conclusion: This is a solid movie. My issue with it is that it takes a very strange turn in the last half that I think is going to turn off a lot of people raised on slasher movie rules. What I mean is, all of the gore and death happens at the very beginning of the movie. This might cause one to think the whole movie is going to be like this. Nope. Instead the movie takes this weird turn where nothing much happens for about 40 minutes.Then shit gets weird. It's nothing particularly graphic, but the idea that anything can happen at any time, involving a young girl tied to a bed, might be a bit much for people. Not excluding the kill scenes of course, which are decent if not awesome. The nail gun scene alone is pretty fucking legit. The movie has some good twists, decent acting (decent not good), and 1970's scuzzy atmosphere. I recommend it.

Grade: 87%

      "Girl Time"

"Girl Time" interrupted...

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